(Originally published on LiveJournal)
It’s a weird season for me right now. I’ve spent the last few months (well, since early April) turning my life upside-down, to get myself out of a rut. It’s been interesting. One of the results has been a renewed creative desire. Not that I was much of a slacker before, but having old interests resurrected is kind of cool. The last couple of weeks, however, have been rather side-tracked by family matters.
Basically, my mother is in a final decline, it seems. She’s located in Houston, and my younger sister and her family have lived with Mom and taken care of her. I’m in LA, my brother is in Philadelphia, and my older sister near Detroit.
My work situation is such that I can’t pick up and be in Houston for however long remains. So I wait.
Mom has been senile for some time, so my presence or absence at this time won’t register with her, and I accept that. My brother is going down this weekend, to attend to some of the business. But I and my older sister just wait.
I won’t go into all the “matters of faith” here, but just say that other than the grief of losing one I love, I am at peace with this pending passing. But the waiting is hard, a distraction, an emotional upset that has no present resolution but rather sits under the surface waiting for the least trigger.
I try for distractions. And do take delight in the ones I get. Such as completing a surprise for some friends recently. I gleefully anticipate the reactions. But I can’t burble about it until the surprise has been sprung. In the meantime, I did promise to upload an image of the uncompleted painting I unearthed recently. So here it is —
Comments
sartorias Sep. 23rd, 2007 03:35 pm (UTC)
*hugs* on the mom front. May she gain peace. The painting is luminous, reminding me of a stained glass window with the light coming in.
scribblerworks Sep. 23rd, 2007 04:04 pm (UTC)
Thanks on both. (I say more about Mom’s passing on my other blog – at scribblerworks.blogspot.com) The stained glass look was indeed what I was going for. I think what stalled me out on the painting was I got this far, and had the funny reaction of finding it almost “done enough”. So I was afraid of adding more. Kind of a silly reaction. I guess that it’s just that I’ve hardly ever had this degree of satisfaction with an incomplete work – it’s usually a feeling that comes when something is done.
wild_patience Sep. 23rd, 2007 07:35 pm (UTC)
Yes, what she said.
scribblerworks Sep. 24th, 2007 04:30 am (UTC)
Thanks, B.! The thoughts and prayers of friends really are a comfort. (And prayers for your own mom’s health!)
jpantalleresco Sep. 24th, 2007 11:42 pm (UTC)
*hug May it end well and peaceful for your mom.
scribblerworks Sep. 25th, 2007 12:01 am (UTC)
Thanks Josh!
