(Originally posted on LiveJournal)
Since I got back from my trip, I’ve been doing some work on my fantasy novel, The Ring of Adonel. Some of it has been typing onto the computer one chapter that had gotten skipped in typing (I do the first draft of the manuscript longhand). Another part of it has been actually moving forward with the story – which is exciting, as the story had been stalled at one spot for quite a long, long time.
Anyway, in typing the skipped chapter, I’ve been very conscious of the over-use of two things. Lots of sighs going on, and lots of references to eyes.
Gah.
Now, admittedly, the chapter in question deals with the aftermath of a murder, the grief and other emotions. So on the one hand, it is natural that there would be a lot of sighing going on. But when I start really noticing it, it’s way too much. I see a word search in my future, not just on this particular chapter, but on everything else. Because if it’s cropping up too much there, it might be doing so elsewhere as well.
As for the eyes bit, that’s a bit more tricky. As many have pointed out, J.K. Rowling uses “twinkling eyes” too much. I can well understand the impulse to use the expression, especially since I’m tempted to it a lot myself. And in the ordinary course of events, we do tend to feel that eyes are very expressive. And in the case of my story, there is an additional factor that the appearance of the eyes has actual significance – in certain circumstances, it is indicative of the exercise of power, or of a particular state of existence. That being the case, I will have to be very, very careful about references to eyes in “ordinary” circumstances.
It’s one of those things that I start thinking of when I get beyond “just writing down the story”. Now that I’m back in gear in working on this novel, I’m also much more conscious of what will be needed to make it “publishing presentable”. But isn’t that what they say about serious writing? That it’s all about the REwriting? Heh.
But finding that I have these two stumbling blocks in my prose, it makes me wonder about what other writers find themselves tripping over. How about it? What words to you find yourself using to the extent of terminal redundancy?
Comments
sartorias – Aug. 24th, 2008
I have a file of what I call Irritating Phrases, that is, stuff I find way too often in my drafts. I am super conscious about eye cliches, so I don’t do those, but my characters end up nodding like those dolls on dashboards, or “turned and” when the action after is the important thing.
My irritaing phrases list is long, and searching on them and destroying them is horribly boring, but it’s the only way to force myself to “see” the text, and not the images.
scribblerworks – Aug. 25th, 2008
Dear me! “Nodding heads” Yes! (Nods head in agreement. 😉 )
I’m considering spreading out the various tasks here — write some new stuff, type some other stuff, rewrite some older stuff. I’m not sure whether this will be a good method or not, but I’m trying to get all stages of work caught up to the same point. I’m writing in chapter 14, just finished typing chapter 12, and still have to do serious revision of chapter 3.
The terrible thing is that I realized this afternoon while I was typing that I had not correctly coordinated the movements of two groups of people. I have my hero and his companions arriving to join another company an evening too early. So I need to write in a passage to fill out the day of travel for the larger company. Bleh.
Rewriting!
sartorias – Aug. 25th, 2008
For those I usually figure, transitions r your friend! 🙂
wild_patience – Aug. 24th, 2008
As long as the eyes aren’t whirling, I’m okay with them. That’s what threw me out of Newman’s Guinevere books.
scribblerworks – Aug. 25th, 2008
“Whirling eyes”??? That’s a new one for me. What does it signify? Extreme eye-rolling?
Wow.
jpantalleresco – Aug. 25th, 2008
Repetition is my biggest problem. I tend to babble on in circles. And and but are the big words I had to clean out. I finished my first round of edits a month ago on my novel and most of it was just deleting those words.
I think we all have bad habits, especially when we get started in a book. The idea is what matters.
Look at the bright side. At least you caught your habit. That’s the first step to correcting it.
JP
